One of the most overused terms in our society, I'm convinced, is "emotional affair." Whenever a person is insecure, wants to control their partner, is unwilling or unable to do their own inner work, or refuses to admit to the complexity of the human soul, they cry "emotional affair!" This term should only be used if: A) One of the partner's friendships with another person results in a decrease in emotional intimacy with the other partner, compared to what it was before; B) The two friends spend an inordinate amount of time making their own relationship a topic of discussion; C) Secrecy regarding scheduled times and places of meeting becomes a factor in the friendship; and D) Any feeling of attraction between the two friends moves from being implicitly felt to explicitly discussed, beyond perhaps a simple acknowledgement once or twice over the course of the friendship. We talk a lot about the importance of having a "soulmate," but what we fail to acknowledge is the fact that our soul itself is multi-faceted. Although we decide to limit physical intimacy to one person, we realize that every person we meet elicits the growth and expression of a different facet of our soul. To expect one's committed partner to mirror ALL of the facets of one's soul is unrealistic, unhealthy and - to be quite honest - insane. It is, in fact, like putting a hangman's noose around our partner's neck. In my view, it is precisely this sort of position that puts so many committed relationships in jeopardy. People fall into the habit of expecting ONE person to satisfy their every desire. But it is far too much of a burden to lay on one person the responsibility for fulfilling a need that the cosmos and a web of other relationships is meant to fulfil. When a partner in a marriage feels burdened with this kind of need, divorce often seems the only solution as an escape from the noose of such intense expectation. But if couples opened up to the possibility of celibate friendships with others, many relationships might be preserved. Jean Houston, an anthropologist and modern proponent of human potential, points out that all of us are meant for communion with a Larger presence, whom she calls “the Beloved.” She tells us that “You must be especially careful not to breathe upon a loved human the Divine communion that more properly belongs to the Beloved, although you can mirror the Beloved to the other.” In fact, “If you make the mistake of investing in human beings the love that belongs to the Beloved, you run the risk of blowing them out by the intensity of feeling you project. Almost inevitably, they must escape and you are left with an immensity of loss and bereavement.” Richard Rohr, a Franciscan spiritual teacher, puts it this way: “Of course, you are going to fall in love! That is the meaning of life. I hope it happens to you many, many times.” Here, "falling in love" means falling for the presence of the Beloved as It expresses Itself within each person we meet. In Rohr's view, spiritual community is an especially safe container for this kind of interaction. May each of us find this larger Beloved in our own unique way, and may each of us discover healthy ways in which to see and embody the multitude of modes in which this Divine Beloved expresses himself, herself and itself within the vast web of human and more-than-human relationships we encounter in the process of living out our daily lives. Photo: A multitude of snow patterns graces Dream Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO, February 22, 2016 For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/
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"With regard to heart disease, stress does funny things to us, and I'm convinced that even if we eat right and exercise and meditate and do everything perfectly, we cannot avoid or manage the amount of stress we face every day in our society. In the old days we would be chased by a saber-toothed tiger, and our stress response would work beautifully with increased heart rate, blood pressure sky rocketing and a surge of adrenaline that would prepare us either to fight or run. Or we would die. Either way, the stress response was quite short-lived and worked very well. "As modern human beings we still have stressors, but they are long-term instead. We cannot run from them and we cannot fight them, but we have the same response as before: our heart rate picks up, our blood pressure rises, and our stress hormones flow. Most of the time we cannot control this, but it is true that meditation helps us practice "calming down" when we feel stressors coming. Ultimately, however, I'm convinced that the only way to avoid heart disease nowadays is to live in the woods far away from traffic and bills and the news and guns and mean people :) " Laura Katers Physician's Assistant and Friend Photo: Severe wind on Dream Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ “I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the person who desires mere easy peace, but to the one who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.” Theodore Roosevelt "The Strenuous Life" The American Heart Association recommends at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity at least 5 days per week for a total of 150 minutes. The University of Colorado Health System recommends an hour a day, 7 days a week. Photo: Avalanche-broken Engelmann Spruce and rocky spires above Emerald Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO, February 22, 2016 For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ After the events of the past several weeks - when tests indicated there was something wrong with my heart but then the cardiologist informed me that we can hopefully work to stave off any future damage - I sense a new lease on life. Yesterday, during my hike up in the high country, I felt especially grateful to be able to continue my mountain wanderings. At several points during the beautiful snowy trek, I found myself crying in gratefulness to still have the opportunity to be immersed in and penetrated by such immense beauty. I know that some day my time will be up, but I am so grateful that the time apparently is not yet . . . Photo: Ice and snow carvings on Dream Lake, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO, February 22, 2016 For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ "Storms are fine speakers, and tell all they know . . ." The Contemplative John Muir Photo: Windstorm on Lumpy Ridge, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ Recently I've encountered from several sources the idea that true love means accepting another person exactly as they are. I beg to disagree. Rather, love means piercing through a person's facade - the one that causes so much suffering both to themselves and others - in order to see, value and bring to light the reality of who they REALLY are in their deepest core. In Jewish Mysticism, this is called "raising the sparks." It is an attitude which realizes that at the root of our being is a spark of the divine life, one that is often hidden and covered over by the defense mechanisms - things like denial, projection and false pride - that work to keep this spark unmanifested. Oftentimes it takes the eye of imagination of a loved one to see through these mechanisms and to pay close attention to the sacredness that is ever-present at our core, thereby bringing the inner spark of goodness to the surface through a loving gaze, verbal compliments and an encouraging attitude. However, there also exists an all-important second aspect of love, one which involves CHALLENGING a loved one to die to their old ways in order to be reborn into the new. Because life is short, the pitfalls many and the distractions all-consuming, it is supremely important for each of us to challenge one another into becoming our very best self. This means doing a bit of poking and prodding, playful critiquing - especially through repeating a person's own best words and insights back to them - in order to get them to see through their illusions and act from their truest self. After all, we are here on this Earth to GROW, and growth means changing into a better version of ourselves. Because striving for excellence AND resting in our core are two integral aspects of the human journey, a true lover of our soul will work to encourage us in BOTH of these aspects. Photo: Rocky Mountain National Park (CO) on a windy day For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation . . . Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." George Washington Today is Washington's birthday. Appellation means "an identifying name or title: designation." Photo: The Hewlett Burn, Poudre Canyon, CO For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ "No portion of the world is so barren as not to yield a rich and precious harvest of divine truth." The Contemplative John Muir Photo: Prickly-Pear Cactus, Yucca and ruddy sandstone cliffs, Lory State Park, CO, February 17, 2016 For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ "Few in these hot, dim, frictiony times are quite sane or free; choked with care like clocks full of dust, laboriously doing so much good and making so much money - or so little - they are no longer good for themselves . . . [But] many come to the mountains for the very purpose of escaping from this bondage. There are ropes enough in civilization!" The Contemplative John Muir Photo: Ponderosa Pine, meadows and ruddy cliffs, Lory State Park, CO, February 17, 2016 For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ "The whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty." The Contemplative John Muir Photo: Dream Lake and Hallett Peak on a stormy day, Rocky Mountain National Park, CO For Spiritual Direction or Workshops, please visit: http://www.resourcesforspiritualgrowth.com/ |
AuthorStephen Hatch, M.A. is a spiritual teacher and photographer from Fort Collins, Colorado. His approach is contemplative, inter-spiritual, and Earth-based. Archives
June 2016
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